Flowers play a significant role in Hindu funerals but are used much differently from those in Western funerals. Hare Krishna. Loud conversation on unrelated topics. Though a useful principle to follow universally, it is most handy while visiting the bereaved. Are you afraid of Sivasankar, court asks Customs; allows five-day custody, Chennai roads inundated as cyclone Nivar triggers intermittent rain, These Kashmiri families are eager to vote in Kerala local body polls, Wanted! subject to our Terms of Use. So, they can view the body when they enter the house and offers some brief words of condolence to the bereaved family. It is best to make the enquiries on the day of death, and remain close to the bereaved and assisting them.If this is not possible, one can visit the house on even days except monday, tuesday and friday., even the monday is an even day thanjavur dist. May she rest in peace. Once Nirvana is attained, the reincarnation cycle ends. This can occur when friends or colleagues show up and we forget for a moment that it is a solemn occasion. Hindus believe cremation is the fastest way for aiding the soul to escape the body. It's up to you. The Bhagavad Gita says that the bodys destiny is to die. There are all kinds of people in the world with vastly contrasting belief systemseach convinced that theirs is the right version. After the mourning period, it is appropriate to visit the deceaseds family at their place. Honorary pallbearers do not actually carry the casket at a funeral, and they do not serve at a memorial service because there is no casket present. I understand that cerain days like Fridays and Saturdays are avoided for such visits. In fact, unless we are absolutely certain of the familys religious and spiritual convictions, it is better to avoid the topic altogether, and give them some space instead. Ultimately, Hindus believe that through praxis, accumulation of good karma, and divine grace, moksha (liberation) can be achieved after death. Find the right Emily Post book or greeting card for you. Because of the short cremation time, there is no requirement for embalming. Here's a list of simple and concise condolence messages that can be sent to a person in grief. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. As a general rule, the closer your relationship to the bereaved, the sooner you should contact him or her. Light a memorial candle at the table or for several hours on a special day. Recognizing and honoring this belief means that you grasp the idea of Brahman or the universal soul. The Emily Post Institute Inc. is a fifth generation family business that has been promoting etiquette based on consideration, respect and honesty since Emily Post wrote her first book ETIQUETTE in 1922. Often there will be some open visitation for an hour or so just prior to the funeral service. Comforting the Bereaved Family and friends will express condolences and comfort by attending the Vigil Service and the Funeral Mass if possible. However, you may send or bring flowers ahead of time. You and your wife are well poised to take over your family. Take a look. Hindu funeral rituals decree that cremation is the custom, but the deceased body remains in the home of the family until you move it to the cremation place. For many people who have experienced a death, it can be helpful to know that their closest friends and family are thinking of them and are available to help. After bereavement, a person goes through denial, anger, bargaining, depressionand finally acceptancethese stages take time. Otherwise, if they show and express sorrow, guests will offer words to help them accept what has happened to move forward. For some, it can be a sense of awkwardnessa fear of saying or doing something inappropriate, or an aversion to seeing grief-stricken people. Usage of any form or other service on our website is We'll help you get your affairs in order and make sure nothing is left out. Please, search or browse our comprehensive online etiquette articles. Plan a remembering celebration with family or friends. In this sect of Hinduism, theres no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. A notice would either state the hour and location of the service, which would mean that it would be appropriate for you to attend if you wished, or it would indicate if the service is private. It is also key to building positive karma for the deceased. To this end, even a simple note will suffice. Drop her a note periodically, or even an e-mail, to let her know you're thinking of her. They'll surely understand. We often hear people say things like Dont be sad, Dont cry, It is all for good, I know how you feel, He is in a better place now in an attempt to provide comfort. 1. It may not display this or other websites correctly. Traditional Hindu funeral rituals dictate that the mukhagni is only attended by men. Traditionally, Hindus like to have the ashes spread on the Ganges Rivers waters in India. India Today Web Desk, I. The wake is usually reserved just for family members. Few people are comfortable visiting a home where death has just occurred. As author Arvind Sharma writes, Hinduism is not a thing; it is a process. He would more or less characterize Hinduism as a method or temperament. Serve his or her favorite foods. 6. She lived her life to its fullest, so we should celebrate her life to honor her legacy. Those who are close to the family may volunteer to do such tasks. This link will open in a new window. During which time, the bereaved will recite prayers over the casket and place rice balls near the head of the body. Find out what to do and discover resources to help you cope. In Hindu death rituals, no recording devices are allowed, and the reading source is Mantra. Sometimes, guests also attend this ceremony. Be sensitive to the level of help your friend is asking for. For instance, the death of a teenager is perceived differently from that of a 90-year-old. Recognizing and honoring this belief means that you grasp the idea of. Sri kamakshi Lunch box Brahmin Home made cooking service - around madipakkam, velacherry. However, it is usually the eldest son who presides at the cremation. Whilst it is favourable to do this within 24 hours, it is widely accepted amongst the Hindu community that the administrative process will take longer in the UK. Surely, a card or note to the mother would be welcomed as well. A "shraddha" ceremony. Blaming the family for not choosing another hospital or doctor is a common and futile exercise that occurs at bereaved homes. Whats regionally accepted in Southern India, for example, may not be appropriate or even standard in the North. And there are loved ones who suffer from their loss. Any distractions must be shrugged away until we are out of sight, and away from earshot. How can people of the Hindu faith be supported when grieving? One should not send flowers or gifts to the Hindu funeral. The person who made the comment might not have meant badly, but wrongful words and actions can cause a lot of hurt in these delicate situations. If we are not familiar with the deceaseds family, it is better to introduce ourselves and verify the identity of key family members before proceeding to offer condolences. Unlike some religions, youll also find that Hindus mourn for 13 days, which can also determine what you should and should not write. During this time, some of the traditions will limit or restrict participation in festivals and events, as well as discourage making life-altering decisions like changing jobs or moving. Most of the Hindu mourning rituals performed are designed to promote the free expression of emotions. "Would you like to have lunch with me next Tuesday?" Please navigate to the relevant forum to create a new thread or post a reply. It is a common slip-up for people to assume that sharing their own religious beliefs would bring solace to the bereaved family. (2008). Is there a member of the clergy or other person she has in mind for performing the service? Consider it an honor to help your friend during this painful time. All Rights Reserved. I will be attending the funeral of a Hindu colleague. It also conveys an understanding that while there is a cycle to life, there is only one reality. After that, the body has to be cremated. It's fine to ask others to share their memories and weave them into your eulogy. In all branches of Hinduism, family plays a key role in helping their loved one prepare for their death and rebirth. There will be things to be done at the home, such as taking care of guests or handling phone calls. Honorary pallbearers are chosen from among the deceased's closest friends and/or business associates. While visiting, people tend to get drawn into conversations unrelated to the bereavement, at times even catching up on gossip. What kind of gift is appropriate for an occasion? When someone experiences the loss of a loved one, visiting the bereaved in person is a thoughtful way to convey the deepest sympathy and offer support. After a person succumbs to illnesses such as cancer, some visitors make public assertions about magical cures that have no scientific validity, claiming that the person could have been alive through such means. That said, if you are thinking about contacting the bereaved or would like to offer your condolences, you should absolutely do so. Thats because they are considered to be impure spiritually during the mourning period. Check with another neighbor or look in your local newspaper for an obituary or death notice. Dress appropriately, lose the perfume (and sunglasses). 2. Through cremation, the five basic elements, known as thepanchbhut, are returned to the universe, signifying the maintenance of cosmic equilibrium. Close friends who are invited to attend will receive a personal invitation to the event. Organ donation is accepted and encouraged in the Hindu faith and should be discussed with the family when appropriate. Its important not to confuse peace and speed here, as. Why its so easy for Modi to appropriate icons hes opposed to Can you give an appropriate caption for this? Since you know that his mother likes lilies, you might want to wait a bituntil the activity immediately following your co-worker's death settles downand then send her the lilies. The Spirit is not destroyed when the body is destroyed. Cake offers its users do-it-yourself online forms to complete their own wills and When writing sympathy cards for Hindu loved ones, geography plays a vital role. Your father was a wise man. New threads and replies may not be made here. Similarly, theres no understanding of heaven or hell, but there is the desire to achieve Nirvana. In the United States, cremation needs to be performed only by a licensed crematory. It is proper to visit and be with the family during this time. The best thing is to work things through at your own pace. Introduction to Hindu Funerals. The flowers are placed at the feet of the deceased. Distant relatives and more casual friends and acquaintances may prefer visiting the family at the funeral home. Please Click Here on how you can do that. The only exceptions to this obligation are when the expression of condolence is simply a printed form with no personal message, or when the writer asks that his or her note not be acknowledged (a thoughtful thing to do when writing a close friend, or when someone you know well will receive a great number of condolences). When someone has lived a happy, full life, there may be increased celebrations and dancing. Surinder taught his children to live with intent and to be good ancestors. Food will be served following the ceremony. Deepest condolence messages very helpful in grief. Viewing the body is not mandatory, but is usually considered respectful if the casket is open and displayed near the family. It is important to identify a persons religious inclinations at the start of their care and to find out what they need when approaching the end of life. However, they can participate in the chanting of mantras taking place thereafter. As author Arvind Sharma writes, Hinduism is not a thing; it is a process. He would more or less characterize Hinduism as a method or temperament. Amen. Specific rituals depend on the patients affiliation to a particular Hindu tradition. Those who are emotionally close to the bereaved person may quietly ask How are you and give them a chance to express their feelings. Relate stories that show your friend in a positive light, and handle any humor with care. (1995). However, different Hindu groups may have different funeral rituals. Some Indian-Americans journey all the way back to India to immerse the ashes in the Ganges or visit many pilgrimage sites to seek blessings for the departed soul and solace for their own pain. Divorced parents should include it in their holiday visitation schedule, especially if they get the day off of work or their child gets the day off of school.. Keep in mind that this can be a particularly important holiday for military families because it honors individuals . Just letting her know that you are thinking about her can be helpful. Need Immediate Service? Medicine is not an exact science, and the human body is not a machine that has replaceable parts or even an instruction manual. Not visiting other family or friends, though the relatives may visit the bereaved. What to do: Mourners may dress casually. There is a Mukhagni ceremony where the family is given one last look at the deceased. Family members have an open invitation to attend the service. A thoughtful gift which allows the name of the deceased to be mentioned will provide long-lasting comfort to the family. Unfortunately, when a son dies, some people come up with public statements along the lines of Theyve lost their only son which is an unfair statement that reeks of gender bias. And if you plan on visiting themyou'll spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. Otherwise, they may quietly sit throughout the chanting. We pray that Lord Krishna gives you great strength to travel through all of this suffering. Our expert guidance can make your life a little easier during this time. The important thing is that you have received comfort from the many who have helped you. Support the family with thoughtful and appropriate Hindu sympathy meals, baskets and memorials. You should not bring flowers to a Hindu funeral. The grieving family may be visited by many wishing to express their sympathies and the time any individual can spend with them may be quite limited. A common blunder by well-meaning visitors is to try and compare with their own limited experiences. Avoid the eating of certain foods, like sweets. In an attempt to get noticed by everyone, some folks have a tendency to be loud and overdo their visit. Your are already subscribed for Malayala Manorama News Letter/Alert. If you knew him, some kind words about himperhaps an anecdotewould mean a lot. Funeral Mass (Requiem) is performed in a Catholic church by a priest. Share a toast. Eastern Orhtodox During the period before burial (three days after death), flowers may be sent to the funeral home. There is an intense period of mourning immediately following the cremation or burial service which lasts thirteen days. Upon hearing the news of a young woman who died in a car crash, a purported well-wisher arrived at the parents home and declared: What sort of parents would allow a young woman to drive a car alone to work at night? Such words only deepen the pain and guilt that the parents are already suffering. Everyone one of us was inspired simply by knowing Avindash. Letting the bereaved know that you are thinking of him or her and that you care can mean a lot. Everyday Health | Visiting a family who just lost a loved one? We have the perfect wedding, graduation or housewarming gift for someone special in your life. Get the latest tips and resources for Londoners delivered to your inbox every month. If you're completely overwhelmed by the prospect, and feel that you must decline, it's okay to do so. Chances are youll know this about your friends familial history enough to gauge an appropriate message based on his upbringing. There are almost never any honorary pallbearers at the funeral of a Christian woman, but at a Jewish funeral both men and women may have honorary pallbearers. Although Hindus take solace in their belief in reincarnation and liberation, they still experience grief. Others go the extra mile and debate whether the person might actually make it to heaven or settle for hell. Recalling a good deed that the person did, but the family was perhaps unaware of, can be particularly heart-warming. If You're More Casually Acquainted With The Person Who Died Or The Bereaved It is better to dress conservatively. Available to ship anywhere in the U.S. After the cremation service, the family will return home and perform Hindu death rituals such as ceremonial bathing. Envisioning Fatherhood: Indian Fathers' Perceptions of an Ideal Father. 5. The Hindu religion believes that when a person dies, his soul goes into another body. In Hinduism, it is not uncommon for someone to formulate their unique way of practicing their faith. Another common mistake is to pass remarks on how the family could have taken better care of the person who passed. A place to share knowledge and better understand the world. As author Arvind Sharma would say, there are as many Hinduisms as there are Hindus. Just the same, this leniency does not give people a wash from tradition. At a Hindu funeral, the deceased body is kept in an open casket. Customs vary by tradition, but are conducted by a local priest and involve prayers, scripture readings and chanting. After the shraddha ceremony, the family usually returns to work after 1-3 weeks. If you decide to let her attend, prepare your daughter by letting her know what the service involves and address any questions she may have. This depends on personal preferences. Below, well use this concept in offering messages for the loss of a child. Pinterest. The funeral ceremony is conducted at the place of the cremation. This forum contains old posts that have been closed. We depend on advertising to keep our content free for you. 10 () . The mourning period is observed at the grieving family's home and will last from 10 to 30 days. While visiting the bereaved, our focus should remain completely on the departed, and the grieving family. Rather than quoting the Bhagavad Gita directly, you can also take its essence and interpret that into something meaningful. May she rest in peace. They cannot visit the family shrine and are not allowed to enter any sacred place, such as a temple. If this cultural shift is your cousins history, it might be appropriate to mention that distinction to honor them both after. Members of the immediate family aren't chosen, as their place is with the family. It would be helpful if someone clarifies regarding the appropriate days to visit the members of bereaved family. Accept, Whats regionally accepted in Southern India, for example, may not be appropriate or even standard in the North. advice. eCondolence.com, LLC | Copyright 2023. It is appropriate to visit the home of the family as anexpression of comfort and support. This reincarnation belief provides the base for Hindu funeral rites. Cremation rituals may vary in different places. Twitter. For advice on choosing the best form of communication to use, see our article: How to Offer Condolences, For tips on what to say and not say to someone who has experienced a loss, see our article: How to Express Sympathy: What to Say and What Not to Say, Paying Final Bills, Dues, And Estate Expenses. When offering sympathy messages to an Orthodox Hindu for their sibling, youll find that the atmosphere of condolences is much different. During this time, because the family of the deceased is considered impure, they are bound by several rules of behavior. Whether you are going to a Hindu funeral or just want to send condolences to an acquaintance, we've provided 15 thoughtful examples as a place to start. Someones positive familial and community impact is enough of a statement to their character in and of itself. Silence is golden: Mark Twains classic quote is noteworthy in the context of visiting a bereaved family. 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