It's very quaint, it's very sweet, How does that sound? [He does a split in front of MISS HONEY. And as time passed, they grew quite old, and still they had no child. Harry Wormwood: 7. But wrong. One look at my face and it's plain to see. Why don't you run away? You know, sometimes I think there's something wrong with that girl. Tomorrow at one? Seven times two is fourteen. Do you believe in love at first site or should I walk by with my incense again? A little more bah-da, ba ba ba-da bom! Isn't there something you can do? I always compete, doctor. Refresh the page, check Medium 's site status, or. Just because you find that life's not fair, it Here in the library again, are we? MATILDA stands at the front of the stage as her classmates walk in and the desks rise from the ground. Lights up. Specialness is de rigueur. Now sit up and look at the TV. I wonder why they didn't just change their story. Chocolate cake. The initial impression you make is memorable, so make it count. And so, the great day arrived! . Eight times two is sixteen. [Talking about the cake] But that's not fair! Erm, well, as you know, Matilda is in the bottom class. I think in effect, Opening lines from children's books to capture new readers, to inspire writers, to reminisce with old favourites. In a manner of speaking, yes. They dance to the same routine until MRS WORMWOOD and RUDOLPHO overtake them with more complicated choreography. . The school bell rings and all the children march out. As a huge cloud of chocolate-y gas wafted from my mouth and drifted across the class. MRS WORMWOOD and RUDOLPHO This is the cottage from your story! MISS HONEY This miracle . Crazy Credits His do-dah. When I left my home, Aunt Trunchbull's home, I had to leave all my treasures behind. Do I allow pigs in my school? Trunchbull: [He sits down in a zen position.]. Claiming that they know stuff we don't know. He's my dance partner. You didn't like the chokey, did you? It's your father who's going to federal prison. DOCTOR She has never seen a! In business, son, a man's hair is his greatest asset. MATILDA You can break them out whenever there is a lull in conversation with your friends or whenever you want to break the ice with someone new. Dinner time is family time. She's got no respect, that one. . There's nothing you can get from a book that you can't get from a television faster. But here it is, coming true: I did *not* glue my hat to my head! ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage] MRS WORMWOOD Look what you've done, you stupid woman. Whee! And my very favorite is a spoonful of Nutella. Sing, Jenny! I thought grown-ups weren't afraid of anything. MRS WORMWOOD 3. Yes, I know what caveat emptor means, you lowlife liar! Adopt me, Miss Honey! Now EAT IT! No! Not the end of your nose. MISS TRUNCHBULL And therefore, she is guilty! One should avoid confrontation when possible. It's not even eight thirty! NIGEL "Bambinatum est magitum." When I grow up, (When I grow up, when I grow up) I will be strong enough to carry all The heavy things you have to haul Around with you When you're a grown up And when I grow up, [She turns the screens back on.]. All right. MISS HONEY and astronauts! MRS WORMWOOD walks out from behind the curtain, heavily pregnant. . . No one is as bold or tough as me. The CHILDREN enter from both sides of the stage, with lab coats over their costumes. I'm not in favor of girls getting all clever-pants, Miss Hussy. MICHAEL sits on his lap. The DOCTOR runs behind the table with the others. . He drops it again. I have to tell you, Headmistress, that in . MRS WORMWOOD . . This is the worst day of my life! Young lady, where were you? You have to stay inside the circle all the time. This clot, this foul carbuncle is none other than a disgusting criminal! I told you I was supposed to start school in September. "'The Burning Woman, Hurling Through the Air, with Dynamite in Her Hair, over Sharks and Spiky Objects, Caught By the Man Locked in a Cage', and it is the most dangerous feat ever known to man! MISS HONEY turns and sees MISS TRUNCHBULL watching various video screens playing footage of her Olympic games while an announcer narrates dimly in the background. Miss Honey: Narrator: MR WORMWOOD MISS HONEY . Prettier barrelina! That lady? What am I? Oh, that's where it's at! $5,000? In all of Hooterville, where there's Hooters supreme, yours are the best of the Hooters I've seen. Might as well be saying you think that it's okay, I'll be watching you, each and every one. And I will Teach you a thing or two. More than one. There's not a lot of difference in size. It was like the entire world went silent for that burp to exist. MISS TRUNCHBULL "Come with me, and I'll show you why it's called the Shrieking Shack.". MATILDA and ESCAPOLOGIST RUDOLPHO whips off MRS WORMWOOD's skirt to reveal a shorter skirt made of tassels beneath it. You're being pathetic! I'm gonna sue you, I'm gonna burn down your showroom! Green hair? There's another crime in the making, your car is about to run a stop sign. Even if you're little, you can do a lot. Matilda: "Lovely"? ;)Don't forget to SUBSCRIBE to our. BIG KID [BEN] MR WORMWOOD exits. I'm in the zone, doll! Please! MISS TRUNCHBULL grabs AMANDA by the pigtails and swings her around and around. Nobody but me is gonna change my story. If you sit around and let them get on top, you My daddy says I'm his special little guy. AAAAAAAHHHH! If you were a vegetable, you'd be a 'cute-cumber.'. Thirteen times two is twenty-six. Look, is this gonna take much longer, doctor? Dad says I should watch more TV. MISS TRUNCHBULL You'll be punished so severely if you step out of line. Completely different cars, sir. Zinnia Wormwood: RG0 RUDOLPHO BRUCE turns back around and the scene unfreezes. Before my happy days were over, Photographs of my mother and father, and a beautiful doll my mother gave me with a china face. Chew your food; you're an animal! RUDOLPHO saunters over and holds his arm out to MISS HONEY. You shall be destroyed. Yourself, Matilda? I'm sure you'd , MR WORMWOOD . ", MATILDA and the ACROBAT'S SISTER [off-stage] BIG KIDS and CHILDREN run off. Above average is average. [chanting with the rest of the class] I stole the cake. MATILDA "Patience, my love," the husband replied. [looking at a portrait of her father] MISS HONEY Looks are more important than books. The reason the mileage is so high is a manufacturing mistake.". "Fair" does not get you anywhere, you thickheaded twit-brain! Son, one day, you're gonna have to earn your own living. Nonsense. Oh, parle Italiano? Lights up. . How could she possibly have done it when she was sitting way over here? Now go watch TV like a good kid. The time has come to put that tumbly-tum to use. Matilda: Quick, jackets! 101 Weird & Best Pick Up Lines For Girls (Make Them Laugh!) Chew your food; you're an animal! And I've told her all about you and your smarty-pants ideas. . Well, I shall take your money when you earn it, and I shall spend it. You really don't know anything, do you? I told you that was a cheap set. Once Agatha Trunchbull decides you're guilty, you're , BIG KID [TAMIKA] Matilda: A baby, Mrs Wormwood. A beautiful, beautiful little girl. Is a miracle! A long table with the word "Birthday" emblazoned on it moves forward, with little hands creeping along the bottom. . endobj She then steps forward and hugs MISS HONEY tightly. It's a good thing I have my library. [She exits down the steps and stops behind the first portion of the audience.] [She stands and approaches MISS HONEY menacingly, towering over her.] Have a marshmallow. [throwing marshmallows as Matilda was grabbing the book that was thrown] Dr. Seuss Pick Up Lines. She is clearly more emotionally developed than her peers. It's your fault. AAAHH! Well? He's a small, ratty man, with luscious black hair. 4. Stand out from the crowd! But the girl's aunt was a mean person, who treated the girl very badly. Matilda is a American fantasy comedy film co-produced and directed by Danny DeVito, from a screenplay written by Nicholas Kazan and Robin Swicord. . See more ideas about matilda quotes, matilda, quotes. Flashbulbs go off. Good-bye, Miss Honey. Can you spell? MR WORMWOOD, towel wrapped about his shoulder, enters the bathroom with MICHAEL. ], CHILDREN Get the hell outta here! Look at him go! MR WORMWOODOh, this is thick! That love and fate and a touch of stupidity MATILDA A little less dressing like your mum. MR WORMWOOD Maybe I shouldn't tell you any more. A fool? To survive this mess by Being a prince or a princess. Would you like some milk? You're the spitting image. And people would come from miles around: kings! We all get carried away sometimes. And if I couldn't teach, I'd have nothing at all. A single slice, I mean, it's just not normal for a girl to be all . It's just that they want that child so very much. I mean, take a look at you and me. Ladies and gentlemen! She opens a book. Are you listening? Connections MATILDA collects the remains of her book. Are you crying? As the hammer took off, did I change my grunt Your old man is going to work. Harry Wormwood: Snickerdoodle, what did you do to your hair? Michael: Try to be funny, or clever, or both! MRS PHELPS retreats to the smaller block and sits down. I sold it for $2,269. Jenny: Hey, sleep with me.I am not scary.I'm really rich.I'm Drew Carey. You're a liar and a scoundrel, and your father's a liar and a cheat, one of the most corrupt lowlifes in the history of civilization! A book? The second one cost $512. Get on with it. Harry Wormwood: Do you think I faltered or amended my rotation? What did you think? She's reading a book. But to me, they tell a deeper story. My daddy says I'm his special little soldier. Harry Wormwood had unintentionally given his daughter the first practical advice she could use. I should be dancing the Tarentella My skin looks just revolting in this foul, fluorescent light. Once in our Cube of Cash, any money that sticks to your gooey body, you get to take home! Someone poured a whole can of syrup onto Trunchbull's chair. [Michael's mouth drops open in shock upon seeing Harry's hair]. Dad said I'd learn the alphabet! A storm can begin with the flap of a wing. You just need to keep your feet inside the line. No! a contract. ? Oh, hello, Miss Trunchbull. I will not say anymore! Pokemon Pick Up Lines. . [to MISS HONEY] You don't! Come stai? Matilda: . As a chalked up my palms, did I wave my hands? Looks like rain. You don't use sympathy or tenderness. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X. Just knock on the door. But she was about to discover she had a strength a strength she wasn't even aware of. Narrator: School is really fun, according to my mum. Keep out of reach of children. Like hell! Forgotten, by everyone except, that is [She pulls her coat over her head.] What am I thinking? . The boy's a looney. I am trying to pull off the biggest business deal of my life and I have to listen to this. "Right"? Most parents believe their children are the most beautiful creatures ever to grace the planet. Harry Wormwood: <> No kid likes being yelled at. It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me. Trunchbull: Mrs. C, Mrs. U, Mrs. L-T-Y! . Good-bye, Mrs Phelps. . You're better off raising tomatoes. But I . I wish my pillow was as huggable as you. MATILDAThe moved into a beautiful old house at the edge of town, and in the evenings, they would walk and take the air. MISS HONEY[placatingly] Miss Trunchbull. My mummy says I'm a miracle, BIG KID [TAMIKA] They're trying to scare us. Aaaargh! Zinnia Wormwood: COUPLE 3 I'm gonna take that no-good jalopy you sold me and shove it up your bazooga! If they start to squeeeeze out of your ears, you're going to need help. [talks to the woman librarian] (Bruce!) I can feel it in my hips. But it's a truth empirical. MRS PHELPS What about the Bi-Annual International Amateur Salsa and Ballroom Dancing Championships? Your genius husband is going to sell them one hundred and fifty five knackered old bangers as brand-new luxury cars. 1. You're just wasting energy, I am off to bleach my roots . This morning, you sneaked like a serpent into the kitchen and stole a slice of my private chocolate cake from my tea tray. Matilda: He bites the cap, screaming through his teeth. What is it? He's over there, under those coats. Harry Wormwood: You're supposed to be teaching SPELLING, not poetry! Well it's hard for me to remember a specific cake. Since you're an educator, I'll make you a deal. Where are you going? Their sadness overwhelmed them, and drew them into ever more dangerous feats, as their work became the only place they could escape the inescapable tragedy of their lives! 9:17 is correct. If you want to throw the hammer for your country. CHILDREN Ooh, me, me, me, miss! MATILDA hides the glue behind her back as MR WORMWOOD enters. The world's greatest acrobat! Now, that is how you do it! You can use it even after you've hugged them once, too - but don't use it too much, or it will lose impact. Oh, yes. [Matilda and Miss Honey arrive at Miss Honey's cottage]. CHILDREN 1 It's . I told them, I said, "Hey. To stand up and be proud! Where is the maggot known as Nigel? . Alternate Versions Oh, yes. BIG KID [RYAN] I don't want another one. But I didn't do anything. in . [after smashing the entire cake platter over Bruce Bogtrotter's head, causing the children to stop cheering] and . MISS HONEY knocks three times and winces. I have all these extra. Does that mean I can get that new TV? A little less shh, a lot more schwing. Trunchbull: [to Zinnia] I mean, it's got to hurt, all squished in there. 125 Best Tinder & Bumble Pick Up Lines That Are Funny, Cute and Totally Flirty Up your online dating game with these sweet one-liners. MR WORMWOOD I shall pound you. I'll say! It gives me a warm glow in my lower intestine. Matilda is a very intelligent and determined young girl appearing in the Roald Dahl children's book of the same name. My mummy says I'm a miracle, Now, look at you, and look at me. I'm telling you, I didn't do it! Funny Pickup Lines Woman's Day Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Rudolpho! Miss Trunchbull, Matilda Wormwood is a genius! four hundred and eighty-seven. Didn't we?! MRS WORMWOOD walks back behind the curtain. The most common thing in life is life . It was the biggest burp I had ever heard, the biggest burp I had ever heard about. Dance competition's over. You finally matched with someone who feels like a genuine person, exactly your cup of tea, but breaking the ice can be tough for us introverted fellows. It must be wonderful for a child to be so wanted. BIG KIDS approach and start climbing onto the gate and grabbing the CHILDREN from behind it. google_ad_client="pub-0578131977065548"; Michael: I'll have her for that. Look, am I fat? No. MISS HONEY We must find out how it ends. Matilda, isn't it? Matilda: MRS WORMWOOD How sweet. % Everybody loves a little something exotic. It is said that we humans use only a tiny portion of our brains. Last week, I read quite a few. PARTY ENTERTAINER Honest. You have to put it right. Of course! Matilda: Why? . [Jenny enters Ms. Trunchbull's office and almost get struck by a dart]. MR WORMWOOD takes a mirror that MRS WORMWOOD brandishes. Agatha Trunchbull: MATILDA opens a cupboard at the front of the stage. Matilda: Hm? . No, not there! She starts the video screens playing again. MISS TRUNCHBULL She's probably having a meeting or something and won't want to be interrupted. What car? You're just wasting enerGy, It's just pathetic. so I pick it up and - No! Gloria Magitum! And I shall crush you. Jenny: Someone told her I did it, but I never! The teacher's clearly falling short. Well? Miss Honey doesn't want you. The distance the shotput goes, depends upon the effort that you PUT INTO IT. A NURSE is holding a baby, which cries. MR WORMWOOD MATILDA A brand new human being! What are you waiting for? Good Lord, woman, have you started already? He screams and turns around, hitting ERIC's cap against ERIC's desk. MATILDA pregnant! What? She's going to be your teacher. One day Jen, you'll see that everything I do is for your own good. . You What poem would that be? . Look at that! What is this, a hot tub party? ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage] The DOCTOR exits and MR WORMWOOD hurries after him. The chances of existence almost infinitely small. One hundred and fifty-five brand new luxury cars, sir. In my school? Zinnia Wormwood: With powers, the carrot flies into his mouth. That is a promise. What? 1. Sit down. Look at this. . She didn't know. Am I . MISS TRUNCHBULL Come in, come in, whoever you are. That is the biggest hug in the world. "AMANDA" drops from the rafters above the audience into a pile of coats underneath her. NIGEL You have a worm, Agatha Trunchbull: Anyone with a good sense of humor will appreciate them. [She re-enters her bedroom and jumps onto the bed.] My daddy says I'm a bore. People don't like smarty-pants what go 'round MRS WORMWOOD It's just a door. I'm Lavender, and I think it's probably for the best if we're best friends! . . MRS WORMWOOD Girl, you've gotta learn to stand up and stick out from the . LAVENDER Dip face! Special guest towards the end. My father's portrait used to hang there. And if you cry it will be (W) double. . How far can you go? RUDOLPHO Where's his fingie? My daddy says I'm his special little guy! Her life was good and happy. MR WORMWOOD Agatha Trunchbull: In the slip of a bolt, there's a tiny revolt. Zinnia Wormwood: . A girl should think about make-up and hair dye. Upon the blackboard is written the alphabet. Useless, flamin' car! Over the course of the song, she writes on the board: "Copy one million times by tomorrow. And, while you're at it, why don't you stick your stupid book to your stupid head? Agatha Trunchbull: Can you service me? The ESCAPOLOGIST starts to walk in from the back of the stage. You chose books. A bell rings. MISS HONEY And that's not right. MISS TRUNCHBULL Yes. it isn't fair! She holds up the final "10". 4. AMANDA If you always take it on the chin and wear it, MISS TRUNCHBULL runs in, blowing on her whistle, and chases ERIC down until he is pulled into formation by two BIG KIDS. No way! Look! Won't change a thing. A really strong stomach. Amanda Thripp: . Not even when the hammer left my hands Good heavens. This still, unbroken skin, According to a constitutional law book that I read in the library, if you don't have one, you could lose your job or even go to federal prison. Calculate this! And so it was, they decided to perform the most dangerous feat ever known to man! But Matilda can calculate complicated figures in her head in an instant! Not dressed in hospital cotton, Stupid, nasty, stinking, slimy . You might as well be saying you think that it's okay, From now on, this family does *exactly* what I say, when exactly, when I say it! The scene changes to the library. . [asked to sign Matilda's adoption papers]. Eventually, they quieten down, but LAVENDER continues to jump up in down next to MATILDA, who is reading. . I think you've got something in your eye. MRS WORMWOOD Did you hear what we said? MATILDA Goofs She seems not to know that she's special at all. Oliver Twist . I've got a plane to catch at three. You useless, used-car-salesman scum! 2. I can't find his frank 'n' beans! I'm not crying because it's sad.
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