Waldo: You guys think you can walk all over me because I'm dumb. [Eddie agrees as Mother Winslow and Harriette walks out of the living room]. Carl Otis Winslow: Oh nothing, never mind! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Yeah, I went to sleep and Stevil made a guest appearance. Colonel Dirk Urkel! Becky Sue: Oh, we couldn't do that. I feel stupid! Laura Lee Winslow: How fast are we going now? I'll take this up later with the Lieutenant. Once, I found them in Milwaukee living under an assumed name! Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: Oh man I didn't think you were this cool. Steve Urkel: Practice. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Bright side? Laura Lee Winslow: Steve, could you go a little faster? They help move along our sentences. No more chimes. Why, it'll ruin my transcript! He held operations in Chicago. Harriette Winslow: Carl, I save every card you give me. You kissed me. Actor Jaleel White, famous for his cultural touchstone role as Steve Urkel in Family Matters, is entering the cannabis industry.Through a partnership with 710 Labs, White's new cannabis line . Steve Urkel: Loving you is like trying to touch a star. [Urkel is playing Danny Boy on his Swiss Melody Chimes and Carl is furiously awaken by it. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: What's wrong? Richie Crawford: I can break all this stuff. and-so-the-balance-shifts-blog. One Now, let's read it! Sara Sue Pettyjohn: [stuck up toward Myrtle's lack of style and class] That's the difference between *old* money and *new* money. When my dad said you fixed me up with Laura; why, I thought I'd wet my pants! I just wish it would all go away, Daddy. Old money has more wrinkles! Willie Fuffner: [Wipes his own mouth] Thank you. [Eddie groans as Carl walks in to brighten his mood], [Eddie leaves with Carl to hang out with him. Carl Otis Winslow: Now honey, it's really ok Harriette Winslow: No it's not ok, Carl. I'm not your personal doormat. ", Harriette Winslow: She looked at me with tears in her eyes, and she said "Why, Mom?". Waldo: I said he Hey, you can't trick me! Carl Otis Winslow: Oh, well how did that happen? Harriette Winslow: [retrieves a coupon from her purse] Ohhh no no no, Carl! Played by Jaleel White, Urkel joined "Family Matters" at the end of its first season, which one of his castmates says was a production decision that changed everything. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: State your name. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Seymour Butts? Harriette Winslow: Now here's something I didn't know. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I'll miss Waldo. Carl Otis Winslow: [trying to scoop the ashes back into the urn] Lord, forgive me if I come up a foot short! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: The Snooze Juice. You have the right to remain silent. Carl Otis Winslow: I'll get that, you must be having a rough day. You don't want to get fried. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: That's big talk coming from a guy in Italy. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Forget it, Carl, it's quicksand. And the reason it hurts is because I've tried very hard to be your friend and all you've done is take advantage of me. It is always tomorrow with that boy. And, my God, look what you've done to Waldo. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: [after pulling his underpants out of his jeans] Sir, would you do me the honor of autographing my boxer shorts? Carl: What? So to see if he can find the best, Steve challenged a few men to put their usuals to the test!SUBSCRIBE to get t. Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: [told he can't go to the party] You mean I was nice for nothing? Or are they just lame? Steve Urkel: [Pointing to the floor] Him. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: When you're hurting other people it ain't harmless. Steve Urkel: [runs back into the living room] Sorry Rachel! I'm wearin' you down baby, I'm wearin' you DOWWWWNN! Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Oh, no thanks, I went before I left. Steve Urkel: Edo, cheating is like wearing your grandmother's underpants. Steve Urkel: Well, that may be what happened, but it won't be what the people believe. Steve Urkel: From my stay-away fund. Verbs are our friends. Steve Urkel: [Steve is suing Carl on the TV show Citizen's Court and Waldo has been called as a witness] Waldo, how did you feel about Pablo? You need to get out more. The nuptuals have developed a slight snafu. No wonder you're my favorite grandchild. Steve, what happened? Steve Urkel: I can't! Waldo: I got close once. Look I clued everybody in. Harriette Winslow: She says OGD's a great kid, but he hasn't had it easy in his life. Harriette Winslow: And deliberately sat us next to a cigar smoker. Waldo: Cheating it wrong, Eddie, and you should know that. [after Carl as defeated Turbo with ease, Harriette runs up to him with her purse]. Then, I drove you here in *my* car, and were you pleasant company? Ms. Steuben: [after seeing Waldo's assignment] Waldo, this is superior work. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Eddo, Eddo, Eddo! Wha? I can't think of a single reason not to do this every week. Harriette Winslow: You hit my husband again and you'll have to answer to me. I was kickin' butt. Laura: I couldn't have done this without you. Laura: Wait a second. Second, no one must ever know about this "non-date". Chain: It occurs to me that you could be wired. And I'm sorry. I rushed her to the emergency room and the doctor said she has walking pneumonia. [plugs the cord into the socket]. It can't explode or anything? Remember you wished that Steve could find out what's it like to be you. Harriette: Judy, finish your Brussels sprouts. Laura Lee Winslow: [Urkel voice] Seasons Greetings, Winslows! Carl Otis Winslow: You look horrible. Introducing yourself to someone new is always scary, whether you're on an app or in person, since the possibility of rejection is part of the deal. Yesterday Richie and 3J were playing 'Nick and Carl'. Laura: [as Steve walks he sobs and cries on Laura's shoulder] What's the matter baby, did you eat some bad cheese again? You're a fine man.You'll be spending the month of May in your room, but you're a fine young man. Baby Girl: You couldn't push me out of this park if you wanted to! Does that about cover it? But, you're a teacher, Ms. Steuben, and a daaarrn good one. Rachel Crawford: Well, Steve, I am your boss. Carl Otis Winslow: Yes and that's not all. [Carl hits the mantel] Carl. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: This diary belongs to Harriette and I will not violate her privacy. Judy Winslow: Brussels sprouts make me wanna puke. Oh, the room is spinning. Laura Lee Winslow: Most people don't know that. Lionel: Really? You think I'm fat. I've got the STD, all I need is U." 3. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Opens Diary] January 1, We had a wonderful New Years Eve party, except Carl got sick and threw up in the living room. Steve Urkel: Well, look at his poor, pathetic face. Mango? When's the last time you slept? Donna Santangelo: And get this, Urkel's tuxedo fits! There's lots of reasons why I don't love you. I'm a person, and I have feelings, and I demand to be treated with respect and dignity! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Failure to signal. Ha ha! [Steve is in the kitchen recovering from Laura and her sock stuffed b*obs. Steve Urkel: [Rushed] That's all. Yesterday he said 'get lost, Fido Face!' Steve Urkel: Oh, I am so glad you said that! Money has germs on it. Steve Urkel was the breakout character for the hit Friday night ABC sitcom "Family Matters" while Jaleel White who played him was the show's breakout star. Carl Otis Winslow: Oh, now Harriette, that's a bit harsh. I'm in this class. Steve Urkel: [cracks up] Oh, that's rich! Nobody threatens my woman! Bushwhacker Luke: 'Cause they couldn't catch her till then! This has never happened before. Wha? Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Wow. this is when Urkel was the funniest, when he was youngest, seasons 1 & 2. Steve Urkel: Uh, Eddie, is this a bad time? I"m going to the mall to hand out gifts to orphans kids. Could you write that 'A' down on a piece of paper? I'd lay one on you that would weld your glasses to your face. Steve Urkel: [Talking to Eddie and his girlfriend] You heard her, you're all witnesses. The man was open all day! Steve Urkel: I have a lot of personal experience in first aid. [puts his thumb as his mouth, baby voice] If I were five. Suppose I made it happen. Laura: I mean it, Waldo. Steve Urkel: All right, Laura, we'll randeavou at the Isetta. What bright side, Weasel? Myra Monkhouse: I rearranged the chamber. You are such a sweetheart. You're late for class. Did you think of me while you guys were camping? Well, name a couple. Steve Urkel: [reading] "No mouth breathing, no snorting, no drooling". You made me so nervous that I had to go to the hospital to get the thimble taken off. Steve Urkel: Oh, please, Laura. Carl Otis Winslow: March 24th, Raoul's houseboat is beautiful. No, you're not invited. But, like they say in the movie "Love Story" 'Love means never having to say I'm sorry Steve, but I'm takin' yo chick'. the signs as potential pick up lines from hamilton. Steve Urkel: No, but it was moving kinda fast. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I almost wore that same suit. Eddie: No, grandma. Steve Urkel: You said, "Get a life, Steve", A week ago you would have said, "Get a life, TURBONERD". Raoul is the new produce manager. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: From my stay away fund- every year all my relatives send me money and hope that I won't visit them. Then we par-tay, see no problem. If you have something to say, just spit it out. [the car breaks down. Why she is woman, hear me roar. Steve Urkel: Hey, you gotta get up if want to get dow oh [guests scream as Steve falls off the edge of the roof]. Steve Urkel: [after discovering that the stereo in Eddie's car has had its serial number scratched off] Uh-uh. "Nubbles Sucks Face with Nerd!". Harriette Winslow: Carl Winslow, this is the most insensitive, unromantic gift I have ever received. Midway through the first season, the show introduced the Winslows' nerdy neighbor Steve Urkel (Jaleel White), who quickly became its breakout character and eventually the show's main character. So, is it all right with you? You're standing on my finger! Steve Urkel: A little? [Comes in the lving room with Mother Winslow as Eddie is taking his frustrations out on his sack of dirty laundry because Carl has just taken Waldo to the Chicago Bulls game instead of him]. Steve Urkel: Oh, why not? She xeroxed it over and over and over and over and [Steve covers his mouth for one second. Some of our pickup lines are just for laughs. Waldo Faldo: Why are ya gonna do that, Willie? Aunt Oona: The water main snapped when the roof collapsed. I just wanted to make things better but I ended up making them worse! We should put those pictures in the school paper. Oh! Laura Lee Winslow: No no no, a GEEK party, as in nerd, doofus. I'll grab my stuff and I'll be out of here tomorrow. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Allison, is that true? Laura: I was thinking about taking a home economics class so I can learn how to cook. Someday, I'll thank myself for this. I'll tell you something else, Allison, I may not be the most trendy guy on campus, or the best looking and I'm CERTAINLY not the most coordinated. Willie Fuffner: [Grabs Steves gloves] Urkel, you are dead meat! Steve Urkel: Really? I have a muscle in my forehead that will not stop jerking! Laura: Yeah, every time I used the bug spray. Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: Then how 'bout a nice juicy thigh? Steve Urkel: I will not be bullied! Harriette Winslow: Oh lord. Laura Lee Winslow: Well that really bugs me. Steve Urkel: The woman's been flirting with me. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Tries to hold Eddie from pounding their friends] Eddo. I can turn you down without destroying your ego. Laura: Let's eat everything and see if he can take a joke! Right now you have over a 100 crazed teenagers in your backyard ready to boogie. Steve Urkel: I'll settle for a toenail clipping! Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Don't you worry, I'll work on him. Carl, someone parked their own piece of junk in our driveway. Who? Harriette Winslow: And you meant every word 8 years ago. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: No. He finished his Christmas shopping weeks ago and never asked me for a penny. You'll never know how much time you'll have together. Carl Otis Winslow: [Grabs his wallet] How much do you need? Steve Urkel: Well, ya see, we had a little muffin mayhem. You're always sorry. "I'm Asian, so I'll eat your cat." 2. Then he unfolds it] Well Tell me again. Steve is the perfect son. [He leaves the house]. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Would you shut your filthy mouth! Harriette Winslow: Are your parents happy with the new you? Steve Urkel: Calm down? I couldn't turn right around and refuse to go out with him. The Nineties. Steve Urkel: Ssssh, not while I'm pouring. Steve Urkel: You teach us more than just things out of a textbook. At the airport he picked up 6 bags. Judy Winslow: Boring. And even then I knew it wasn't right. [Harriette laughs as Laura leaves the living room to help Mother Winslow get ready]. Eddie: I don't believe wat just happened, dad took Waldo to the bulls game. Steve Urkel: Don't panic, my love! I tried to help you! Chocum hi chip chok!". Waldo: [pause] Wow! Cassie Lynn: Well, we just got some really hot photos of you being romanced by the Prince of Passion here. [the oven explodes from the kitchen and Waldo emerges], Waldo Geraldo Faldo: I think we're gonna need a new stove and a floor to put it on. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well, so is Urkelbot! Eddie: [chuckling] I know this one! Carl Otis Winslow: Yeah, bring me a slice. Ms. Steuben: Oh, good. You had an accident. Steve Urkel: Yes! Steve Urkel: I can't help it, Laura. What do you have to say for yourselves? Carl Otis Winslow: [after being frightened by Pablo, the stick bug] Did you see the size of that thing? Steve Urkel: Well the good news is, my dad will do the operation for you. But you know what, I find her very attractive. I love you more than life itself. Judy: Were all of Dad's friends named Darnelle? Stupid? Waldo: Life is short, and so it Gary Coleman. Harriette Winslow: I know. Carl Otis Winslow: Yes, Harriette! Eddie: [after he has heard her quickly renouncing her love for him] Myrtle, what's my life going to be like without you in it? Harriette Winslow: [Rachel carries on about how sad it is Aunt Clotilda died] She was 94 years old. Eddie: [while Eddie and Carl where doing wiring for the satelite dish] Be Careful with those wires Dad. Just you and me. Laura Lee Winslow: Aunt Rachel, take little Richie, the Murphy twins are giving each other haircuts in the backyard! Please, my little Rapunzel. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: I'm missing the parade. This wire will be connected to this cord and this cord is not plugged in. You know you'll never reach it, but you have to keep trying. So you have to make every minute count. Now hit the sack. Lt. Murtaugh: Keep the pace, Mr. Backwards Hat! Steve Urkel: Because, I love you love you love you! Harriette Winslow: [feigns being touched] Oh, Carl this is beautiful. Laura Lee Winslow: No, it's the whole school! Laura: For the last time, Steve. You know, Harriette, It's the thought that counts. THIS? No. And we practiced for six minutes! See more ideas about steve urkel, humor, urkel. Wa chee! Pick-up lines get a bad rap for being cheesy and cringe-worthy, but if you start your conversation with the right dose of interest and humor, you may end up scoring a date or a number. Laura Lee Winslow: [crying] Steve why do you always say things like that? Stefan Urkelle: Where did you learn all that? You don't sleep, you don't have nightmares. Steve Urkel: [Climbs over the balcony and falls] Oh! Robber: [threatens Steve] You! Rachel Crawford: Harriette, we've got to talk. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No thanks, Eddie. Cop: You two are going to juvenile hall until your parents pick you up. So, if I tell him I don't remember him, I'll look like a jerk and I still won't remember him. I kept quiet last week and I haven't say anything tonight. Curtis: I don't know how to tell you this, but I have to tell you straight out. The truth is you deserve a kiss. [Eddie sits down and Carl grabs his hair]. "Smile, if you want to have sex with me." 4. Laura: [Long pause] Your looks. He's fanning his hace with a plate as Eddie walks in]. Steve Urkel: Hi everybody! Carl Otis Winslow: I understand that. [reading] "Mongu! Harriette: What's goin' on down here and why do I smell cinnamon flavored smoke? Eddie: As a starting forward of the school team, it's my duty to play round ball not nerd ball. Harriette Winslow: Carl Otis Winslow, I'm ashamed of you. Willie Fuffner: But he wasn't, so chill out ok. Laura Lee Winslow: You just don't get it, do you. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Next Saturday. That wasn't a rock video. When I was born when the doctor slapped me, I SHOT him! Weasel: [pulls out a lot of cash from his pockets] Look at this $1500 dead presidents and the homies are still coming in. Carl: There is a guy on our couch who says I remember him, but I don't remember him. Just blacked out for a second there! [Notices no one is there anymore] Well, I thought it was a good story. There is no Steve here. Finally, one rainy day, I walked in dripping wet, and that same man that pushed me out, shook his head and gave me a library card. Did you see them work on Dora Fenswick? That's the last time I do anything for anybody in this house. And it's all my fault. Sign up | Log in An . Harriette: [still unsympathetic towards Eddie's selfishess] Fair? I probably had the heater up on high and they wilted. Rachel Crawford: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Because check this out buddy, you're alone. Carl, Eddie: [after Carl gets shocked from the electrical current] STEVE! Carl Otis Winslow: Oh gee that'd scare me. Carl Otis Winslow: You know son, if Screwing Up ever became an Olympic event. He woke me up too. And it will also think of a range of mistakes, not just the standard fare of stats guys everywhere: the disastrous trade up. [looks over to the busted parts of the transformation chamber]. Carl Otis Winslow: I didn't bring my gun. Make my day! Five hundred on the line. Carl Otis Winslow: Well there's no rush. Should I be getting some Handi-Wipes? Harriette: I guess it wouldn't hurt to take a home economics class. What are you? Steve Urkel: No, I don't like to disturb anyone. Laura: So, Myrtle, how long are you gonna be around? Rachel Crawford: Well, I'm planning dinner for a very, very special friend. Maxine Johnson: Was there a line to get your pictures taken when you guys walked in? Allison: Well then you better find some new friends, or you better plan to join a different sororiety. Carl: If that's the case then I plead guilty. It seems the guy that you purchased your stereo equipment from didn't want you to fill in any important paper work. I may get a B. Laura: Dad, this is serious. I offered you my heart and you stomped that sucker flat! Weasel: [Eddie leaves and Weasel gets hit by Waldo] What was that for? Steve Urkel: Oh, pasha, you're making me blush again. Trying to cover it up only make things worse. She's mine! Laura: Let me tell you something. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: I'll bet that's what the bug was thinking, too! None of this is your fault. I didn't kiss you. You may be my boss, but that does not give you the right to come into my home and be obnoxious to my husband and his friends. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well of course it's a Greek party, it's a sorority! Steven Quincy Urkel: I'm not through! Eddie Winslow: [at the frat party] Steve, why are you wearing a toga? Shen I suggested it, her lovely eyes were momentarily clouded with nausea. White, known for playing Steve Urkel on the 1990s sitcom "Family Matters," is. Urkelbot: [Joe Friday Impression] Just the facts, ma'am. Steve Urkel: Well, isn't that just a FIIIINE kettle of fish? Aunt Oona: The gas pipe broke when my living room flooded. Harriette Winslow: Laura, you've had your head in those books all morning, got a big test coming up? Lt. Murtaugh: I dropped the, uh, nerd off next door at the, uh, nerd house. But our little town only had ONE library, and it was for whites only. [Maxine laughs hysterically after she leaves the house]. But you'll never play in this game again. So go ahead, FIRE ME! Carl Otis Winslow: There was an E.Coli scale in the chocolate and I tasted a few to make sure the box was safe. Carl Otis Winslow: [to the racist cop who pulled Eddie over] You know, I don't know how that badge stays up, because it's pinned to sludge. Laura: Well, Steve, I've been trying to convince Waldo that girls find him attractive. Harriette Winslow: [pulls up a chair] Sit down, Carl. We'll start with a common Korean phrase. I just got a job! [Steve is eating frozen fish sticks out of the box]. Steve Urkel: [singing] Fishing on Lake Wannamuk. Lt. Murtaugh: They're sending in that Urkel kid. Bushwhacker Luke: Me and me brother, we hate cops! Carl Otis Winslow: But, apparently you seem want to learn it the hard way, well so be it. Waldo: I'm sorry, Steve. Well it's not cool. Wha? Carl Otis Winslow: Harriette, I was steamed, I didn't want to do something I'll regret. Steve Urkel: [Steve is still wasted] Ooh the Durkel! Third, if you touch me at any time, the "non-date" is over. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Chuck is twice the man Raoul is. And believe you me, I know what being different is all about. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: O.k., but I'm not Home. Was I about to take the Big Sleep? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Oh they love the new me. Steve Urkel: [while Laura and Maxine hit Steve with two Boston Cream Pies] No, AAH!, WAAAH! Here is the updated version of every line of Urkel's famous: "I've fallen and I can't get up" line from the show Family Matters.Here are the episodes in orde. Rachel Crawford: I'll just take your word for it. Ms. Steuben: Uh, excuse us just a minute. All the pins look like Laura! Rachel Crawford: It's okay, Steve. Your grandma is gonna fight for your right to party. The bad news is, he'll charge you an arm and a leg. Eddo. Having aired 215 episodes, Family Matters is ranked third, behind only Tyler Perry's House of Payne (254), and The Jeffersons (253).
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